Benjamin McGrath: A story of acceptance and teddy bears
Benjamin McGrath is a teddy bear, stern-looking at times but one nonetheless. At least, that's how he sounded during the audio-only Google Meet call. Tucked away in Arkansas for a much-needed post-lockdown parental visit, this self-described introvert was everything but coy sounding. Assertive yet generous but not shy. "Believe me, as a person, I tend to shell down," he explained, "so bartending gives me an outlet to interact and connect with people in and out of my community. Ultimately, it feeds my extrovert(ed) side. If I didn't bartend, I probably wouldn't talk to anybody at all outside of work, most days."
Born in Saint Paul, Minnesota, Benny moved to San Francisco about 16 years ago. "If I count my years bartending in Minnesota, I've been in the industry for 20 years." Amongst the notables are the Lexington Club, which he managed from 2006 to 2016, The Stud, and currently El Rio. "I actually moved away from being a full-time bartender and got a 9 to 5 job," he says with a mix of emphasis and excitement in his voice. "Although the pandemic made that a necessity, as I lost my three bartending jobs within 12 hours, I think I'm going to stick with it while still bartending on the side because, obviously, I can not give up bartending. (Laughing). More seriously, it's my way to stay connected to the queer community. El Rio is a bar for everyone, but it is decidedly a queer bar. It's a pillar for the community. It's essential for me to be a part of that."
Benny came out when he was in high school. "I'm 45 now, so I've been out for 27 years. I'm also trans. I started my transition 8 years ago. So I got to experience many different versions of being 'different.' I've even dealt with transphobia within my own community. As surprising as it sounds, there's no consensus of love towards trans folks within the gay community. It's the perfect illustration that we ALL have a lot to learn. I know that people evolve and change. I have experienced it first hand. Eventually, somebody in their bigot(ed) bias meets...queer (individual) or somebody for a community they have no affinity with. They discover a human face, emotions, feelings they used to fear and reject." Bigotry, as we know, is rooted in ignorance. Acceptance comes in the realization that what seems foreign isn't wrong or lesser than, just different. "As we grow as a person and as the world expands, we gaining access to stories and knowledge we wouldn't have had access to before. Hopefully, we can positively use that and recognize how much we have in common. Also, even if you don't have anything in common, it… doesn't matter! (Laughs)"
How incredible is it that somebody who has nothing to do with the queer community could get to meet, know, and hopefully appreciate Benny for the down-to-earth, maybe introvert but definitely charming man he is? At this point of his life, whether they understand he is a trans person could be either relevant or not. He's just a nice guy with a very human story. How moving is that?
Benny will welcome you at El Rio (on Mission Street, San Francisco) with a half-innocent smirk any Friday night and Saturday afternoon. If you ask him, he'll make you a dreamy cocktail with Dahlia Tequila that you will not forget. He probably won't wear the same short shorts and tank top he used to wear at The Stud, just a black pair of jeans and a black tee-shirt, but it'll be your "Teddy Bear Benny", and you'll love that too... Benny is definitely a Dahlia Crush!